Delci you may as not read this one... kinda soppy and whatnot..
Today although surrounded by family I found myself extremely sad.
As each of my family members came up to me and asked how i was i got the idea that they must already know about what happened between dave and I.
I suddenly was unable to tell anything, there was a huge pain inside of me that i didnt even know about.
I told each and every one of them that i didnt want to talk about it... Though im sure they would find out details some way or another.
The thing that i feel bad about is that my pain kinda came out as anger... and so i was kinda grouchy all afternoon... not the best way to spend easter.
Now as i am sitting here alone, I cant hold back tears. The boy that i loved for a year and a half is no longer in my life. Its for the best i know that but it just hurts so damn much....
And the thing is... i know im not happy in the relationship, but i cant help but regret the decision to leave him. I know its going to take a while for me to stop hurting completely. Having good friends helps... Having other people ;) around me helps. But i feel like im lost and confused when im alone.
I texted him a few minutes ago, just to say hey because he didnt text me all weekend. Im not sure why i did this because it is making me cry even harder. I told him i missed him, and i do. He was my first love, he was a part of a huge chapter of my life. But yet why then... last week when i called it off... did he just say ok. Couldnt he fight for me? Just a little bit. I think thats what hurts the most. not the fact that its over... the fact that he seemed like he couldnt care less about me.
sorry readers that this is so soppy, and diary-like... I might even delete this post tomorrow.. I just needed to attempt to put my feelings in word form. Im not the best at it. :P
For every man looking out for every girl. Make sure you are her guide and the weight of her world.
Goodnight readers, sweet dreams..
Love Always
SmartyPants xo
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